Madden Doesn' Have to Be Maddening

My S.O. and I spent a wonderful Labor Day weekend together. We both marveled at the fact that despite being with each other for 3.5 days, we didn't argue. We enjoyed a laid back, fun-filled weekend.

He indulged my quirks and things I liked to do (even though I think he enjoyed them too). We went to my favorite restaurants, drank coffee and read books at Barnes and Noble, and of course did some shopping.

Sunday evening we're lounging around and he decided he wanted to play X-box. Well we had such a good day, I thought, "Why ruin it by secluding yourself in a room and playing a dumb game?" I felt myself withdrawing and getting a 'tude. But the next thing I know I said, "I wanna learn." I'm thinking, "What?!!?!? Who said that?" Minutes later, I'm sitting there, joystick in hand, trying to read the instructions at the same time. LOL....yeah I know!

Needless to say I sucked. The score was 38-0. It got to the point that I was just pressing ALL (and I do mean ALL) the buttons--at the same time!!!!!! LMBO

And surprise, surprise it wasn't that bad. My competitive nature kicked in and I actually made some decent plays. But what was more interesting was my man's reaction. He was really impressed that I even wanted to play. He's brought it up several times since then--giving me my "props."

That 1 hour of video games was one of the best moves I could have ever made. Could I have done something else during that time? Sure. Could I have copped a 'tude, which could have led to an argument? Sure. Could I have put a damper on the day by making an issue out of his video game playing? Definitely.

But my goal was to spend time with him. And it really didn't matter what we were doing per se. We talked, played, kissed and had a good time while doing what he loved. So my man got the best of both worlds, I got time with my man, and we connected on yet one more thing.

Now I'm not saying to indulge your man if he's a video game zombie and plays games 2, 3, 4, 6+ hours a day; shirking his responsibilities and such. No, that's something you have to speak on. But if your man does it occasionally and it doesn't interfere with his responsibilities at home or in the relationship, why trip? In my frame of reference, this is a mole hill that many women make into a mountain.

Have you ever thought that your man's hobby is his way of de-stressing or relaxing? His way of processing information or relieving stress before he deals with the added responsibilities of home and you? When you don't allow your man this opportunity, where can he direct his frustration, stress or even anger?

We want our man to be interested and fully supportive of our hobbies, but we often do not give them the same courtesy in return. We banish them to the basement or garage to indulge in "their little hobby or interests." I'm not saying to turn your home into a frat house, but just be considerate of what it is they like to do and what they are interested in.

My grandmother says, "You get more flies with honey than with vinegar." Just call me the Queen Bee (and NOT Li'l Kim either).

Should I turn in my feminist card by giving into the hobbies and wants of a man? Perhaps. But it made him smile, kept the peace and required little effort on my part.

Lesson learned: Madden doesn't have to be maddening.

Challenge for the week: Try to indulge in your S.O.'s hobby or interest for a day, or even an hour. You might be surprised at his, and even your, reaction.

Love In Style

Article from Clutch Magazine....

I like to think of myself as a lover of fashion, something like a fashionista. One, who admires, respects and loves to play around with the various vogues of fashion. I’m guessing that’s why it’s so hard for me to rationalize purchasing the same piece of clothing or accessory in a different color. No matter how much I love the shirt, shoes, pants or bag I refuse to be complacent and duplicate it, with the awareness that there are so much more diverse options out there to choose from. It’s so easy to multiply a pattern or style so you don’t have to run around town looking for something else that fits you. But what’s the fun in that when there are so many designers and fashions out there? I’m sure my fellow fashionistas can relate to this feeling. I sternly believe that repeating the same patterns in clothing hinders your ability to experience the other thousands of fabulous artifacts that you may like and grow to love. The only thing that it does is create a boring look both inside and outside of your closet.

This same theory on fashion should also apply to the way we “style” our love lives. Our lack of self-love and true love is mainly because we often repeat the same fashion faux over and over each season. Even when our “patterns” (i.e. issues) are unhealthy, we continue to use the same “material” (i.e. thought process, illogical behaviors, etc.) with different “threads” (i.e. men) and ultimately end up with the same old “outfit” (i.e. results and outcomes). Yet frustrated, bored, hurt and depressed, we continue to visit the same “stores” because we know what to expect when we get there and know exactly where to find our “size”. We don’t even have to go the dressing room anymore because we know how everything fits. Naturally, we shop at these “stores” so often that we receive discount coupons, credit cards and a host of other enticing features that ultimately serve us more harm then good in the long run. Nonetheless, we are left only with another “bill” (i.e. pain and heartache) and “receipts of purchase”. And although we may fuss and complain when the payments are due, because we can’t remember what we bought, we still continue to shop there.


This common “shopping spree” is what our lives look like when we don’t change our patterns and behaviors to produce healthy and fulfilling relationships. I can’t stress enough, how important it is to love and respect yourself so anyone who comes into your life must do the same wholeheartedly and consistently. When you chose unhappiness and complacency over change you put yourself on the clearance rack - half the price for something that should be worth a whole lot more. And that is one bargain that is not worth wearing.


Begin to shop around and try new styles. Be that trendsetter and create that make over you deserve. Trust me, he will love your new “outfit”, and so will you.


Happy love shopping!