Great Advice Giver!!!!!!

I am a HUGE Steve Harvey fan!!!!! I mean HUGE! I wake up to his radio show every morning. I lay in bed laughing, getting angry (not at him though), sometimes crying. Over the last two years or so that I've been listening to his radio show, I have counted him as one of the gurus of relationships. Yeah, a comedian!

For those not familiar with his radio show (you can listen online), almost every day he has a segment called "Strawberry Letter". During this time listeners can call in and ask for advice on any issues they are having in life from Steve and his co-host Shirley. I really try not to miss this segment. I will sit in the car in the parking lot at work or dash into my office or simply just stay at home til the segment is over...LOL

Throughout the many Strawberry Letters and other segments of the show, I have learned soooooooooo much about how men think and how to navigate relationships, especially in the beginning phases. Like my grandmother says, "Start out like you can hold out." Here are some tidbits of revelation (some with my own spin) that I've learned from him.

Men are designed to protect, provide and profess. Steve believes it's innate in men that they provide for the people they love, protect them from any harm and profess publicly their love for their women.

Tell men how you do NOT want to be treated, and let them figure out the rest. I've tried this...IT WORKS! It's relatively easy for any person to do what they know (because you've told them) you want them to do. But to really see the heart, sincerity and integrity of a person, let them try to figure out what it is that makes you happy. If they do nothing, that's probably what they will continue to do. If they attempt things (even if they fail miserably), then you know they at least want to try to make you happy.

You cannot do what a man does and still be considered a lady. This is my mantra!!!! I tell it to the teens and young adults I work with. I know in this new day of equality, sexual freedom and women having as much game as men do, it seems archaic. But no matter how we hate it, men will not commit to a woman they think is promiscuous or as my grandma called them "fast!" So just like you have the choice to "do you" the man has the choice not to "do you."

Being a lady is a lost art that needs to be resurrected. Think of the respect, adoration and admiration you would receive from people (men and women) if you carried yourself in a manner that is ladylike. That is as Teddy Roosevelt said the art of "speaking softly and carrying a big stick." Actually, I like to think being a lady is the new definition of "feminism" (I think I'll write a blog entry on that!)

Boys shack, men build homes. Steve didn't say this directly, he quoted someone else he heard on TV. But I love this saying! So often we women think that we can expedite a man marrying us by living with him first. We buy the malarkey about "getting used to living with each other." Steve says that if you're good enough to live with, you're good enough to marry. I personally rarely, if ever, see any good that comes from co-habitation. Even the most independent of women end up getting flustered, frustrated and bewildered. They think that they can cajole, impress and negotiate a man into marriage. But they are the ones who have gotten hoodwinked with lines like "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." "I love you and live with you, why I gotta marry you?" If feminism is about choice, then by co-habitating with a man (especially one who isn't marriage minded) aren't you giving up your choice to be married? In my opinion, women who do not have the standard of a man marrying them give up their choices and are actually subject to the rule, whims and desires of the man they "live with." Is marriage a guarantee of "happily ever after?" Heck no, but it least it comes with some kind of warranty. Shacking is totally an "as-is" decision!

The 90-Day Rule. This is basically not to have a physically intimate relationship with a man for at least the first 90 days. This gives you some time and opportunity to see where his mind is at. He is really trying to get to know you for some long-lasting relationship, or, as Steve puts it, is he just trying to get the cookie. Even those of us who burned our bras long ago (or never wore them to begin with) feel and behave differently once we give up the cookie. You can act hard on the outside, but when no one's looking, you've changed. That man, good or bad, has left his imprint on your heart, soul and body.

Have standards. Steve actually says it more eloquently than I do, but that's the gist of his statement. In the quest for choice and equality, have women given up their standards? In order to be viewed as equal, women have developed "swagger" (which in and of itself is a good thing), behave worse than some men (cuss, fighting, promiscuous, doing things in excess) and have generally hardened their demeanors. Now that's not to say that an assertive, ambitious woman of intelligence doesn't have standards, because they do. But are they the right standards? I don't want to be treated as an equal, quite frankly I want to be treated better than that. I am not a man and do not want to be treated like one. I want to be treated like the feminine precious creature God made me. I don't want to get in a pissing contest with my man. He can be a man, I am a woman...and more specifically, a lady.

I'm not saying that some of the things men do are right, justified, mature or called for. But when you know how a man thinks and behaves, then you can make your own decisions and choices and adjust your behavior so that you always protect yourself and your heart.

Steve says he's working on a relationship book. I can tell you I will be one of the first in line to get one. He has an amazing insight into men, especially black men, that we all can benefit from.