My blogger friend sent me this blog post. It made my heart heavy that people equate submission with being subservient. So let's go to the dictionary...
Submission:
This blog post is about Beyonce and Jay-Z's relationship. While I am not a Bey fan at all, I am a Jay-Z fan. But that does not negate the fact that I don't know the inner workings of their relationship, and neither does anyone else.
Allowing your man to be the head of your marriage is not a southern thing, It's a Biblical thing! (maybe I should get shirts made with that...LOL)
To add insult to injury, someone said that we need to look at Oprah as an example...HUH?!?!?! I love Oprah to life, but she speaks directly against God's institution....marriage. So I don't count her a credible source on relationships either.
Here are some additional comments:
Southern Queen Dee said, "And there’s something wrong with her taking care of him. We southern women were taught that a man is the head of the household. Women today wanna be all independent like they’re above taking care of a man. That’s why we have so many divorces in this country. If you won’t do, there’s always another woman willing to."
Vali-Girl said, "Read the book of Ruth in The Bible, since you want to refer to the Bible and a woman’s role. Ruth was a bold woman, living in purpose. She put her needs out there and it was for a purpose. And Boaz saw her boldness and purpose and they became man and wife. So a woman’s “role” is not to be subservient or abused or belittled by her man. It is ok for a woman to be bold and assertive, so long as it’s for a greater good and a good purpose. Men are not to treat their wives like sh*t. They are to care for, love and respect their woman, as God mandated." **
Kingsmomma said, "Unfortunately, alot of women have been forced to play the role of man and woman (myself included) and must be independant, provide for themselves and thier family so when it comes time to relinquish part of the role to your husband it seems foreign. I guess I am having a hard time with the words “submissive, subserviant” because I adamantly believe we are both equals and as a result neither of us needs to be submissive to the either. I will respect you as my King, as my protector and provider (knowing that I can provide for my own) I don’t need another father figure. You are my husband, you are the icing on the cake.You are fully correct, there is no need for anyone to shout to the rooftops about being Miss Independent, when you see me what i have accompolished you already know."
There were many other comments along these lines.
Each woman has to determine what works best in her own relationship and what that looks like. Attempting to mimic other's relationships will never work.
For a traditional woman, Beyonce's "Cater to You" is a testament to how they treat their man on a consistent basis. Other women either don't do this at all or may do it on their man's birthday. I remember getting into a serious discussion about this with a listserve I was on. Most of them didn't believe in doing this AT ALL. But then, I had to look at their relationships. If they had one, it was extremely jacked.
So is Beyonce a caterer to her man or a servant to him? No one really knows. But I'd prefer to pay as much attention to my own relationship as I do to theirs...that is the one thing I do know.
**I'd like to point out that in the book of Ruth, Ruth also sat at the foot of Boaz's bed all night long while he slept and went behind him and picked up the left over harvest. Ruth is a really short book, I'd suggest you read it for yourself to get the totality of the story
Submission:
- The act of submitting to the power of another
- meekness
- the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness
- the act of yielding to power or authority
- excessively submissive
- abjectly submissive
- characteristic of a slave or servant
- useful in an inferior capacity
This blog post is about Beyonce and Jay-Z's relationship. While I am not a Bey fan at all, I am a Jay-Z fan. But that does not negate the fact that I don't know the inner workings of their relationship, and neither does anyone else.
Allowing your man to be the head of your marriage is not a southern thing, It's a Biblical thing! (maybe I should get shirts made with that...LOL)
To add insult to injury, someone said that we need to look at Oprah as an example...HUH?!?!?! I love Oprah to life, but she speaks directly against God's institution....marriage. So I don't count her a credible source on relationships either.
Here are some additional comments:
Southern Queen Dee said, "And there’s something wrong with her taking care of him. We southern women were taught that a man is the head of the household. Women today wanna be all independent like they’re above taking care of a man. That’s why we have so many divorces in this country. If you won’t do, there’s always another woman willing to."
Vali-Girl said, "Read the book of Ruth in The Bible, since you want to refer to the Bible and a woman’s role. Ruth was a bold woman, living in purpose. She put her needs out there and it was for a purpose. And Boaz saw her boldness and purpose and they became man and wife. So a woman’s “role” is not to be subservient or abused or belittled by her man. It is ok for a woman to be bold and assertive, so long as it’s for a greater good and a good purpose. Men are not to treat their wives like sh*t. They are to care for, love and respect their woman, as God mandated." **
Kingsmomma said, "Unfortunately, alot of women have been forced to play the role of man and woman (myself included) and must be independant, provide for themselves and thier family so when it comes time to relinquish part of the role to your husband it seems foreign. I guess I am having a hard time with the words “submissive, subserviant” because I adamantly believe we are both equals and as a result neither of us needs to be submissive to the either. I will respect you as my King, as my protector and provider (knowing that I can provide for my own) I don’t need another father figure. You are my husband, you are the icing on the cake.You are fully correct, there is no need for anyone to shout to the rooftops about being Miss Independent, when you see me what i have accompolished you already know."
There were many other comments along these lines.
Each woman has to determine what works best in her own relationship and what that looks like. Attempting to mimic other's relationships will never work.
For a traditional woman, Beyonce's "Cater to You" is a testament to how they treat their man on a consistent basis. Other women either don't do this at all or may do it on their man's birthday. I remember getting into a serious discussion about this with a listserve I was on. Most of them didn't believe in doing this AT ALL. But then, I had to look at their relationships. If they had one, it was extremely jacked.
So is Beyonce a caterer to her man or a servant to him? No one really knows. But I'd prefer to pay as much attention to my own relationship as I do to theirs...that is the one thing I do know.
**I'd like to point out that in the book of Ruth, Ruth also sat at the foot of Boaz's bed all night long while he slept and went behind him and picked up the left over harvest. Ruth is a really short book, I'd suggest you read it for yourself to get the totality of the story
*"subservient." Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary. MICRA, Inc. 17 Sep. 2008.
"submission." Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. 17 Sep. 2008.
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2 comments:
I find it amazing that so many people think they can decipher the inner workings of Beyonce and Jay-Z's relationship from pictures. None of us live in their home or even know them beyond the pages of a magazine. They have kept their relationship under wraps choosing to not speak on it. Now if you listen to their lyrics then you may be able to decipher some clues. I found many of the statements ridiculous. The man is the head of the household and should be treated as such. Key word in that statement the MAN.
There are too many boys running around expecting to be catered to and not manning up and taking care of home. Couples should submit to EACH OTHER. A woman catering to her man isn't the same as being his doormat or modern day version of a slave. You submit to a man who deserves such treatment. I have been guilty in the past of submitting to men who did not deserve my submission and honestly they were not submitting to me. What works for Bigga is what works for them. They were in a long term relationship before getting married and obviously filled certain needs in one anothers lives. I think calling Beyonce his servant is disrespectful. Let's not forget there is also a 13 or 14 year age difference between them that may also play into their union and make it appear to us on the outside that there is some master and slave thing going on. Great post!!!! As always you're insightful and on point and I agree with you. I'm a traditional woman and by no means am I or will I ever be a servant ;)
**KDJ**
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SjP
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